For so long, survival was my identity.
I lived in a state of high alert, constantly solving problems, dealing with stress, and managing crises. It wasn’t just a mindset; it was a way of life. But what happens when all the chaos quiets? What do we do when things are finally good, calm, and peaceful?
A few months ago, I came across a reel on Instagram where someone shared advice from their therapist: “You don’t need to learn how to deal with stress anymore; you’ve been doing that your whole life. What you need to learn is how to live when things are good.” At the time, it resonated with me, but it didn’t fully click until recently when I found myself in a moment where everything was peaceful—no problems, no chaos. And instead of enjoying it, I was looking for something to stress over.
This realization brought me to a pivotal moment in my healing journey. I had done the work. I had healed many of my traumas, improved my health, and created a good life for myself and my family. Yet, when faced with peace, I felt more uncomfortable than when dealing with problems.
Recognizing the Self-Sabotage of Calm
Self-sabotage often manifests in unexpected ways, especially when feeling safe suddenly feels foreign and uncomfortable. I had become so accustomed to living in a state of survival that I unconsciously sought out problems even when things were going well. My body and mind were conditioned to handle stress, not peace.
For anyone else who has reached a point where life is finally good, yet they find themselves uneasy, know that you’re not alone. We’ve spent years perfecting the art of survival, but thriving—accepting the good, the calm—requires a new set of skills.
Tools for Embracing Peace and Rebuilding Your Identity
In this phase of my healing, I’m focusing on self-care practices that help me accept who I’ve become—a person who has healed, worked hard, and deserves to enjoy the fruits of that labor. Here are the steps I’m taking and the practices that are helping me:
Meditation for Acceptance
Rather than meditating on calming my mind or resolving stress, I now focus on meditations for self-acceptance and gratitude. Visualization meditations, where I see myself as the person I’ve worked hard to become, help me reinforce my new identity as someone who has earned peace and joy.
Try This: Spend 5-10 minutes in the morning visualizing your day as someone who has accomplished what you’ve set out to do. See yourself moving through your day with peace and confidence, embracing the calm instead of seeking problems. If it's difficult for you at first to see you entire day, start by seeing your morning going smoothly.
After you are comfortable with that, start to add on parts of your day little by little until you can see your entire day.
2. Exercises for Grounding, and Present Moment Awareness
Grounding exercises help me reconnect with my body, especially when my mind starts to spiral into problem-solving mode. These exercises bring me back to the present and remind me that it’s okay to feel safe.
Try This: Practice grounding exercises like slow, deep breathing with your feet flat on the floor or body scanning where you mentally check in with each part of your body to release tension.
I do these a few times a day ,to remind myself I’m safe and everything is just as it should be in the moment.
3. Fitness as a Celebration of Health
Fitness has been a huge part of my journey, but now I approach it not as a tool for fixing what’s wrong but as a celebration of what my body is capable of. I choose activities that bring me joy and make me feel strong, alive, and capable.
Try This: Engage in activities like daily walks, yoga, Pilates, or light strength training that allow you to honor your body for the work it has done. Focus on movements that feel good and promote a sense of well-being rather than pushing through pain or discomfort.
It’s ok if something that seems to work for others , doesn't work for you. I myself can not do Yoga. I tend to over stretch and cause more problems for myself. I focus on walking and strength training with little to no resistance, because that's what works for me
4. Daily Gratitude Practice
One of the most powerful shifts for me has been developing a daily gratitude practice. I reflect on the peace in my life, the progress I’ve made, and the good things that have come my way. This practice helps me internalize the idea that I deserve these things.
Try This: In the morning, think of three things you’re grateful for.throughout the day focus on the calm moments, the peaceful interactions, and the successes of the day. Allow yourself to feel joy and appreciation for these moments without needing to look for what’s wrong.
Before bed, think about what the day has brought to you ,that you can be grateful for and acknowledge all the wins you experienced, no matter how big or small.
5. Tapping to Embrace Hope, Love, Joy, and Peace
Incorporating Tapping into my daily routine has been a simple yet powerful way to help my mind and body accept positive emotions like hope, love, joy, and peace.
Every morning, I take a few minutes to tap on key points while focusing on these feelings, allowing them to settle deeply within me. It’s a practice that helps me start my day with a mindset of openness and acceptance, reminding myself that I am deserving of these beautiful emotions.
Try This: Begin your day with tapping by focusing on affirmations like "I am open to receiving love," "I allow joy to enter my life," or "I embrace peace in all that I do." Tap on key meridian points while repeating these affirmations and notice the shift in how you approach your day.
I have been using the Tapping Solution App for over a year now and it has helped me tremendously. I started mainly focusing on the things I wanted to release and fix, like releasing feelings of anger, pain, fear , and stress. Now I am more focused on cultivating and accepting the feelings I want to be comfortable with, such as peace joy, and calm.
6. Seeking Guidance Through Therapy, Coaching, or Counseling
No matter how much progress we’ve made, sometimes we still need a little help along the way. Whether it’s therapy, coaching, or counseling, seeking guidance from a professional when you’re feeling stuck can be transformative. There’s immense value in having someone to help you navigate the challenges you can’t quite see or work through on your own. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s an important step toward growth and healing.
Try This: If you’re feeling stuck, consider reaching out to a therapist, coach, or counselor. Their guidance can help you break through the barriers holding you back and support you in moving forward with clarity and confidence. Even when things are good, having support helps you fully embrace the peace and joy you’ve worked so hard to achieve.
Learning to Live as the Person You’ve Worked to Become
It’s strange to think that peace can be uncomfortable, but when you’ve lived in chaos for so long, calm feels unfamiliar. The good news is that we can learn how to live in peace just as we learned how to survive. It’s about accepting that we deserve the good in our lives and allowing ourselves to enjoy it without the need to sabotage our happiness.
This is the work now—to live as the person I’ve worked hard to become and to acknowledge that I am worthy of the peace and success I’ve created. If you’re in this place, too, let’s walk this path together and embrace our new identities, not as survivors but as people who thrive.
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